‘The X Factor’ is starting to weed out the novelty acts and provide more audibly pleasing performances from week to week. However, there are still some possibly tone deaf acts still remaining who need to go as soon as possible.
After several weeks of auditions, it is time for the 32 remaining acts to perform in their categories at the judges’ homes. If you’re behind a few weeks, or thrown off by baseball rain delays, here’s a brief recap: The 32 acts are divided into four categories: groups, boys, over 30s, and girls. Each category is mentored by one of the judges. Paula Abdul has groups, LA Reid has the boys, Nicole Scherzinger has the over 30s, and Simon Cowell has the girls. Each of the judges took their categories to their homes (if they really live in these places; I’m a bit skeptical and think they might be rental homes).
One of the tricks to this round was that the contestants had no idea who their mentors were going to be. They knew where they were going for the judges’ round, but they didn’t know much beyond that. The girls were first to be surprised when they jet-setted off to France to meet up with Simon. I was entertained when Simon opened the door to greet the girls and they all ran up to hug him. It was like a scene out of The Sound of Music when the von Trapp children ran up to hug Julie Andrews. So that’s how I am now thinking of Simon. “How do you solve a problem like Simon Cowell?” It’s a great new song I’m working on. Also, I’m not sure Simone Battle remembered what show she was auditioning for. She seemed to be dressed for an audition for Hair, but she wasn’t about to sing “Aquarius/Let The Sunshine In.” But let’s not forget: Simone is fierce and thinks she can do whatever she wants. Blah.
The groups found out they would be working with Paula in Santa Barbara. I really think Paula has the uphill battle, as the groups seem to be the weakest category overall. Paula went through a whole spiel about how she specializes in working with groups. She rattled off a lot of them, but the only one I remember her saying was Duran Duran. I wonder if she choreographed the video for “Union of the Snake?” That was one crazy video.
The over 30s were trucked off to the hills of Malibu to meet Nicole Scherzinger. I noticed they were playing Nicole’s latest single, “Don’t Hold Your Breath,” in the background. Cross-promotion, anyone? Nicole talked about how she was the hardest worker any of the over 30s would ever meet, and she would be there to support them 1000 percent. When people give any percentage above 100, it’s one of my father’s pet peeves because he thinks it’s ridiculous to make percentages that don’t exist. I could hear him complaining about this from 300 miles away.
Finally, the boys went out to the Hamptons on Long Island to meet up with LA Reid. Ah, the Hamptons. I don’t know if LA Reid really lives there, but I know someone who does! The Barefoot Contessa lives there! I was really hoping for a cameo appearance where Ina Garten would trot over with a basket of cookies, cupcakes or lobster rolls for the boys. Sadly, this never came to be. Bad call, X Factor. When you’re in the Hamptons, you always want a Barefoot Contessa appearance. It’s in the book of Hamptons etiquette. Check it out.
But each act learning their mentor wasn’t the only surprise in store; the judges each had a special guest judge to help them decide who to take on to the live shows. Paula welcomed Pharrell Williams to help her. Simon was supposed to have Mariah Carey, but Hurricane Irene kept Mariah from making it to France. This was fine with me, as Hurricane Irene took a turn and stayed away from Miami during my vacation. I’d far rather have a Mariah-free ‘X Factor’ than have to talk about how I was a hurricane evacuee from South Florida. Selfish? Yes. But true. LA brought in Rihanna to help him pick. And Nicole decided to bring her friend Enrique Iglesias. WHAAAAAAAAT? ENRIQUE??? Mariah who? I’d take Enrique over Mariah any day. Especially when he’s sitting on the same couch with Nicole Scherzinger. The only thing that could have made this better was the addition of Pitbull. Give me a moment now to think about what an Enrique/Nicole/Pitbull collaboration would be like. Ah. Amazing.
After all the set-up, it was time to get to the performances. 16 performances, to be exact.
First up was Brian Bradley from the boys group. He’s the 14-year-old rapper I’ve had so many problems with over the weeks. To add to my list of concerns, we found out this week that his stage name is Astro. Really? Like the dog from ‘The Jetsons?’ So does that mean my stage name could be Rosie the Robot and that would be cool? We also found out Brian has no lack of self-confidence after he said, “When you know your talent, no one can bring you down.” I suppose that’s true. But sometimes it’s good to be humble. Before he performed, Brian (Astro) informed Rihanna that the two of them would be doing a collaboration someday. Ugh. Astro, you are not Drake. In order to be Drake, you need to start wearing sweatsuits and act like the Rob Kardashian of rappers. I will admit, when Brian started performing, he did have some good rhymes. I just think he’s too young to be a legitimate rapper. He needs more life experience. We already have our young rapper. Her name is Lil’ Mama. There are only so many rap songs to be done about lip gloss and riding the school bus. Sure, Brian has talent, but I don’t think ‘The X Factor’ is the right fit for him right now.
The first of the girls to perform was Simone Battle. She’s fierce! We know, Simone. You think you’re hot. You just need to add mess after the hot. I also discovered that Simone would benefit from a stylist who isn’t vision impaired. Beyond her lack of styling, I think Simone could also benefit from more vocal training. If she continues the way she is going now, I would NOT vote for her. I can’t figure out who she is as an artist. Sometimes she sings jazz, other times it’s pop. She also dresses like a Pussycat Doll reject. And in her performance at Simon’s house, she had pitch problems galore. She needs to go home. Like yesterday.
Next up was the first group performance from The Anser. But before they sang, all the groups talked in Paula’s kitchen. And they were eating cupcakes. Some of the most delicious looking cupcakes I have ever seen. I think I need to take a redeye to Santa Barbara this weekend and find Paula’s house, just so I can ask her for cupcakes. Back to The Anser. Cupcakes will always cause a stray from the topic at hand. The Anser informed us that they are from Salt Lake City which is a “very Mormon community.” Seriously? I had no idea. Donny and Marie, Derek and Julianne Hough, and so many other Osmonds are from there. I would never have put two and two together. The Anser sang their own version of P!nk’s “Perfect.” I’m not the biggest fan of The Anser, but I really liked them this time around. They had some pretty awesome harmonies that made me want to hear them again. My opinion has officially been changed.
The first performance from the Over 30s was next. And those ladies in the category were certainly looking Enrique up and down. After seeing him in concert, I’m guessing he was totally into that. He doesn’t seem to care who he flirts with, which is just part of his mystique. Dexter Haygood was first to perform. He did his own version of Beyonce’s “Crazy In Love,” and certainly took some liberties with the verses. It wasn’t Dexter’s greatest performance by any means. He seemed to be out of his element and Enrique was looking at Dexter like he thought he was legitimately crazy – not just in love. I felt sorry for Dexter when he started crying on Steve Jones’ shoulder. But ‘The X Factor’ is intense, and if you can’t handle the pressure, it’s not really fair to keep you in the competition.
Back to the boys with a song from Skyelor Anderson. He’s the 16-year-old country singer from Mississippi who wants to be the youngest African-American country singer ever. I want to like Skyelor. I really do. He sings with such emotion and I can feel the passion when he opens his mouth. However, I think he’s always flat when he sings. And he doesn’t seem to have much range. But his conviction and passion are definitely there, so I am torn on him. Rihanna really liked him, though, which could help him make it past this round to the live shows.
Tora Woloshin, who I think might be Lady Gaga in a not-so-convincing disguise, was the next girl to sing for Simon. She claimed to have problems remembering the words to “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction,” which I find highly suspect. The song doesn’t really have that many lyrics in it and doesn’t have many profound words to cause memory problems. But I guess I can’t remember the words to “Super Bass,” and an 8-year-old can, so I should cut Tora some slack. I used to really like Tora when she first showed up during her initial audition, but each time I see her, I feel like she’s missing something. She has an extremely powerful voice that I wouldn’t mind listening to on the radio or on a download, but when she sings live, it’s like she has trouble connecting with the audience. It’s as if she sings but doesn’t really feel anything. Simon agreed with me on this front. Perhaps Tora will make it through to the live shows, but I’m not so convinced right now.
Back to Paula’s house where Lakoda Rayne was revving up to perform. The pop-country group was made up of four of the reject girls from the Boot Camp rounds. Or as I wrote in my notes, strictly the pop-country group of rejects. So one would think these girls would want to band together and make the best impression as a group as they could, right? Wrong. They seemed to be getting along, but when they took their microphones to sing a country version of Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way,” all thoughts of a super group kind of went down the drain. The vocals were pretty good, but there was no cohesion as a group. It just seemed to me like it was four girls all still wanting to compete individually. Their voices didn’t blend so well and they seemed to be more focused on standing out as solo performers than a group. When the show puts you in a group, you still want to try to win $5 million, ladies. If these four make it through as a group, they really need to focus on those extra zeros to get the right inspiration to perform as a group.
Over at Nicole’s house, it was time to see 42-year-old single mom Stacy Francis again. The first thing I noticed about Stacy is that she has new hair! It makes her look like she’s lost weight, too, which maybe she has. Anyway, Stacy’s new hair seemed to have given her more confidence, too. After making goo-goo eyes at Enrique, Stacy belted out her version of “Purple Rain.” Stacy made Nicole cry while Enrique sang along the whole time. Stacy is what ‘The X Factor’ is all about: finding raw talent to mold into a superstar. Nicole and Enrique really need to pick her as one of their final four. Otherwise, there might be an uproar and no more collaborations between those two and Pitbull. Mr. 305 would be very angry with a lack of Stacy Francis in the live rounds.
By the time Stacy performed, I looked at the clock and realized the show as already halfway over. Having all these pretty good performances were helping the pacing of the show to move very rapidly. And there were only more good performances to come! Sadly, one of those good performances was from The Brewer Boys. Sad because they were just good…not great. As Paula put it, “Good is the most difficult place to be because sometimes good just isn’t good enough.” That Paula. She’s a wise one. She should have a quote of the day calendar. I know I’d buy it. The Brewer Boys either decided on or were given (I wasn’t so clear on how song selections were made) Rihanna’s “Only Girl (In The World).” Those boys did their best with the song, but something about a bluegrass version just didn’t work for me. It seemed like a Dolly Parton tribute group doing the song. Imagine Dolly making her version of the song, which would likely be fantastic. Then imagine a group copying what Dolly did to try to make it their own. This is what it sounded like to me when The Brewer Boys sang. It was okay, but it wasn’t my favorite song choice ever. Plus, I take umbrage at the fact that The Brewer Boys sing country-laced music while looking like they want to be members of Hot Chelle Rae. I think they are having difficulty finding their genre and niche, which might make it difficult for them to continue competing on the show.
Moving right along, we were back at LA’s house to listen to Phillip Lomax sing. When he found out what song he was performing, he didn’t know he would be singing it in front of the artist who did it originally. The song? Rihanna’s “Don’t Stop The Music.” Now, if you remember Phillip, you might be wondering how a guy I have claimed is a Frank Sinatra impersonator would be able to take on a Rihanna song. Well, the answer to this pondering is that he did it pretty well. And…Phillip even had a sassy new jacket, thus crushing my theory that he only has one jacket that he wears everywhere. Phillip sang the song in his own way. It started out as a ballad, but went into a big band type thing, which I really enjoyed. I like him a lot better when he’s singing contemporary songs in his style than old school standards. I hope he keeps this up. After he performed, Rihanna talked about how much she liked him. It was obvious to me she wants Phillip to be her next “Rude Boy.”
Returning to Nicole’s, it was time for Elaine Gibbs to belt out her song. We haven’t gotten much of a chance to learn about Elaine. I simply know she’s a wedding singer. But one thing I learned about Elaine after hearing her this time around is she has a huge vocal range and amazing control of her voice. I really enjoyed listening to her sing. I think she could be a pretty big deal, but there’s always the question of how a 53-year-old can be commercially profitable nowadays. But look at Susan Boyle. She has sold millions of albums and isn’t the first person you’d think of when you think commercially accessible and profitable. Anyway, I hope Elaine gets to sing more. She’s pretty fantastic.
Speaking of pretty fantastic, after Elaine was the performance I had been waiting for all night: my current favorite of ‘The X Factor,’ Caitlin Koch. I saw her come on the screen and got all excited. I couldn’t even write cohesive sentences in my notes for a brief period in time. I think the fact I wrote “me love her mucho” about says it all. Or else I started thinking like Cookie Monster momentarily and decided proper pronoun usage was so last millennium. Regardless, I think Caitlin really has something special, and she’s someone I enjoy listening to week after week. She was given “Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow” to perform. She could ask me that every day and the answer would always be a resounding, “YES!” I love the tone of Caitlin’s voice. I want her to record an album right now, so I can play her album, light some candles, make a fantastic Giada de Laurentiis recipe, and have a wonderful date night. Come on, Caitlin, help me make this dream come true. Until then, I’ll just have to eliminate your album from the line-up and run with the rest. Two out of three prerequisites for my idea of a perfect date ain’t bad. But once Caitlin has an album, I’ll score the trifecta. Simon really should put Caitlin through to the final 16, or else this blog will begin to have a VERY different tone. A bitter tone. I don’t even want to think about the possibility of her not going through. I will remain positive.
Sadly, my high from Caitlin wouldn’t last as we went from an extreme high to the near low of the night. Nick Voss is a likeable guy. I just don’t think singing is his thing. He doesn’t seem to be very original and seems to imitate voices better than he can provide his own sound. For his performance in front of LA and Rihanna, his pitch was all over the place. I don’t know if it’s that no one has ever told him about his pitch issues or if maybe he just can’t hear it, but either way, the kid needs a little help. I think he’s out of his element now on ‘The X Factor.’ There are too many acts left better than Nick, so I think it’s time for him to go. Rihanna wasn’t too impressed and asked LA if he had seen Nick perform better. LA said yes.
Back over to Paula’s house for a song from 4Shore. In Boot Camp, I was confident 4Shore was headed home because they were pretty awful. However, they brought at least their B game back for the Judges’ Home round. The best thing about 4Shore is that they always have amazing harmonies and pretty tight choreography. I just think their song selection and whole façade would work better in 1995 instead of today. They are very Boyz II Men, but need to up their game for 2011. Paula and Pharrell liked what they saw from 4Shore, but Paula wants to dirty them up for the live shows, if they make it through. Well, Paula, you know who can help dirrrrrty anyone up? Her name is Christina. Christina Aguilera. She is the queen of making things dirty. Remember her 2002 song explaining all about how dirty she wanted to be? Call her up, and 4Shore won’t ever be the same.
Another act we haven’t learned much about, thanks to the magic of editing, is James Kenney. For instance, I didn’t know he worked about 5 jobs to make money for his family. I also didn’t know he had a family. It would have been nice to have more of an introduction to James before this week, but it is what it is. We were too busy getting to know Simone. She’s fierce! James was given Rihanna’s “Russian Roulette” to make his own. Are we sensing a theme here? There are a lot of Rihanna songs being performed. I guess she brought a suitcase of sheet music with her and just divvied it up. Anyway, James was good. I think he was nervous, though, which I can only imagine that feeling. To have to sing in front of Nicole and Enrique must be terrifying. I think I’d choke up and only be able to whisper, “Let me be your hero” or “Bailamos” before just walking off the stage. Enrique and Nicole weren’t sure about James’ capabilities as a solo artist, but felt he’d be a great front man of a Maroon 5-like group.
15 performances down and one more to go for the night. The final spot was saved for 14-year-old Drew Ryniewicz. Before she sang, cameras followed her around Paris a little bit. All I remember her saying is that she wanted a crepe. That made me want a crepe, too. Real bad. A crepe filled with Nutella. And then just like with Paula’s cupcakes, I was way off on a tangent wanting nothing but crepes. No wonder I have to run 5 plus miles a day. Otherwise this dessert addiction would be detrimental. I’m not sure if Drew got her crepe or not, but she did score one of the top moments of the night. She performed Roxette’s “It Must Have Been Love,” but in a way I’ve never heard before. Drew had such subtlety to her voice and made me want to hear so much more from her. She kind of reminds me of Taylor Swift if a way — if Taylor Swift could sing live as well as Drew can. Drew seems to have confidence way beyond her 14-years. She’s pretty awesome.
So there you have it. 16 performances, four from each category. Who will move on? We have to wait a few more nights to find out, but I think the live shows are going to be pretty promising if some of the better acts keep singing like they are now.
The second round of the judges’ homes airs this Sunday at 7 on Fox 4. However, that could all change If there’s baseball. So let’s all hope the Rangers knock out the Tigers in Game 6, so that I don’t have a rearrange my schedule again to watch ‘The X Factor.’ So…set your DVR for Sunday at 7 and again for Tuesday at 7 when the top 16 are revealed. There will be lots of crying and tears on that show. Guaranteed!
